1. “Wow, there are so many cultural amenities here. I can’t wait to go to them all the time!”
Fast forward seven years later and you still haven’t bothered your arse going to the National Gallery.
2. “€1.99 for a chicken fillet roll! Such brilliant value. I’ll definitely only avail of it sparingly.”
Cut to: two years later when they form one third of your diet.
3. “The public transport here is so top-notch. Why do Dubliners complain about it?”
Just wait until a few years time when you’re properly settled and giving out about how Dublin Bus “real time” has let you down for the umpteenth time.
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4. “I’m going to go on soooo many dates with interesting people. It will be hard to juggle them all, but I’m sure I’ll manage.”
You’ll let go of this pipe dream after one awkward date in Hogan’s and go back to having disappointing conversations on Tinder like everyone else.
5. “Temple Bar is so cool!”
When you first arrive, you think Temple Bar is the place to be.
Worry not, you’ll soon be set straight.
6. “There’s so much vibrant street entertainment to enjoy for free! What a treat.”
Three years later, you’ll catch your jaded self shouting, “EXCUSE ME!” at tourists gathering to watch Keywest.
Been there, done that, etc.
7. “All the lads in Dublin are going to loveable rogues. Like Colin Farrell.”
In reality, every second lad in Dublin is from, like, Monaghan.
Soz.
8. “Every weekend will bring a new adventure — day trips to Howth, dips in the Forty Foot…”
LOL, sure.
Your weekends will be spent doing as little as humanly possible and you certainly won’t be hopping on the Dart to go for healthy walks or whatever. (And if you do summon the energy to go to Howth, you’ll brag about it for at least three months.)
9. “Gals in the city — you know what that means? Cocktail night!”
Until you realise that cocktails cost a lot of money, that is.
“Eh, scratch that. Let’s just have prosecco in my flat.”
10. “Eh, it’s the capital city. I’m bound to find somewhere to live.”
It stands to reason that Ireland’s largest city would have the most accommodation. Right?
Until you check on Daft and it’s like “22 properties found” and you want to cry.
11. “I’ll never walk home from a night out and will always, always, always get a taxi.”
Cut to you strolling home with mates singing The Whole of the Moon and eating a breakfast roll.
“TOO HIGH, TOO FAR, TOO SOON”
12. “I will go to ALL THE GIGS and my teenage self will be so jealous.”
Nope, you’ll stay inside watching First Dates like the rest of us.
Sorry.
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